Talking Movies

April 22, 2018

And he built a crooked house

Stephen Errity, who has occasioned a few pieces like this, prodded me to mark 10 years since the first spark of this blog in 2008.

Talking Movies proper began on Sep 1st 2009, but April 22nd 2008 saw the staking of this claim in the digital terrain; and there is an obvious topic to hang an anniversary post on. Just over a week later the first review went up – Iron Man… 10 years later, that bloated business plan known as the Marvel Cinematic Universe is about to finally pay-off (HA!! Yeah, right…) in the shape of (The) Avengers (3): Infinity of Characters War. I will not be going to it. It’s not just that I don’t care about Thanos, of many of the other characters, or the Infinity Stones that have become a deadly serious ‘Fetch’. Marvel Studios’ omnipresence have made the last 10 years seem very long indeed, and have successfully killed off my interest in their characters, comic-book movies, and comic-books themselves. “Oopsies!”

I’ve charted my obvious decline of interest in the Marvel movies below. I saw the bold in the cinema, the italics on DVD, and the others remain unwatched.

Iron Man

The Incredible Hulk

Iron Man 2

Thor

Captain America

The Avengers

 

Iron Man 3

Thor 2

Captain America 2

Guardians of the Galaxy

The Avengers 2

Ant-Man

 

Captain America 3

Doctor Strange

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Spider-Man

Thor 3

Black Panther

The Avengers 3

Working my way through the archives in the last week I find myself complaining over time that the Marvel movies lack the outrageous fun of Mark Millar’s comic extravaganza of these same characters, The Ultimates. I vividly remember being pedantically lectured by a bore on how audiences wouldn’t accept a scene as outré as the ultimate Millar action movie fantasy beat where Black Widow jumps from building to building and calls for a gun to be dropped from a chopper above her so she can grab it in mid-air and crash into the next building spraying bullets to save Hawkeye. Clearly, audiences wouldn’t accept this. I mean 3 movies into the MCU audiences had already accepted a bank vault being towed and used as a prehensile wrecking ball in Fast & Furious 5, and would later accept an endless runway in Fast 6, a man running up a falling truck at the same speed and so remaining in situ in Fast 7, and, oh yeah, cars driving out of one skyscraper, into another skyscraper, out of that skyscraper, and into another one. But yeah, Marvel actually adapting a panel from one of their own comics, clearly, audiences would rebel. Just as they howled in outrage and ripped up the seats when X-Men: First Class put the characters in their original yellow and blue outfits rather than the fetish leather that we were told was the only choice in 2000 because audiences wouldn’t accept those silly costumes. Oh wait, they didn’t.

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January 21, 2017

Fears: 2017

logan-hugh-jackman-700x300

God Particle

Cloverfield in Space,

Elizabeth Debicki,

looks at earth aghast.

 

Logan

Jackman retires claws,

Mangold goes for R and yet…

storyline seems silly.

 

Free Fire

Ben Wheatley thriller,

Brie Larsen brings Oscar power,

classy shoot ’em up?

aliencovenant-waterston-firstlook-cropped

Alien: Covenant

Waterston: new Ripley,

replacing Rapace’s one,

Fassbender abides.

 

The Mummy

Tom Cruise: action man,

but ghost of Sommers haunts this,

more than the Mummy.

 

Flatliners

Kiefer cameos,

Ellen Page, Nina Dobrev,

needless nostalgia.

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Wonderstruck

Todd Haynes does The Hours,

so to speak, Julianne Moore,

stories in two times.

 

Thor 3

Will this really be

Taika Waititi’s show

or just dull Marvel?

 

Murder on the Orient Express

Ken Branagh Poirot,

Suchet’s legacy looms large,

can Depp save the show?

 

ben-stiller-dustin-hoffman-yeh-din-ka-kissa-nyc-05

The Beguiled

Remake of Clint,

Sofia Coppola,

might waste bright young things.

 

Yeh Din Ka Kissa

Stiller and Baumbach,

team up with Hoffman, huzzah!

but Adam Sandler…

 

Last Flag Flying

Richard Linklater’s

spiritual sequel to,

The Last Detail.

download

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Now look here Marvel,

we saw Parker in school thrice,

graduate him now.

 

American Made

Edge of Tomorrow‘s

Liman & Cruise now remake

Air America.

 

The Masterpiece

Franco and Rogen,

make a making of The Room,

but is it funny?

justice-league-first-image

Justice League

So much potential,

and yet Zach Snyder still there,

to squander it all.

 

Star Wars: Episode VIII

Disney paid too much,

but that is not our problem,

be original…

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