Talking Movies

April 3, 2020

Miscellaneous Movie Musings: Part XXX

As the title suggests, so forth.

This could be how I see Tenet in 70mm later this year, if it or any other blockbuster gets released at all in 2020

The polling suggests cinema may be done

It seems somebody had the good sense last week to poll Americans on whether they would return to cinemas once this whole coronavirus business has blown over. The answer was yes. Certainly. But not right away. Rather like the beach on the 4th of July in Amity Island everybody would stand back and let someone else be the first to paddle out into the water and make sure there were no killer sharks lurking thereabouts. But if people are serious about waiting three weeks or three months before they’d dare venture into a packed cinema again how can the cinemas survive? How many days can you survive as a going concern when your biggest screens showing the biggest blockbusters at the height of summer garner an attendance more usually seen at an Alex Ross Perry movie in the IFI? Big releases have been pushed into 2021 with abandon: Fast & Furious 9, Ghostbusters: Afterlife, Morbius. I’d be surprised if MGM didn’t get nervous and shove No Time to Die from November to next April if they think that by November people will still be readjusting to the idea that going to sit in the dark with 300 sweating sniffling coughing strangers packed like sardines in a crushed tin can isn’t like asking for rat stew during the Black Death. I for one like the idea of taking a coffee into an obscure French film and listening to Jazz24 in screen 3 of the IFI after normal service has been resumed – but the kicker is, that would be a fairly empty screening. And too many years of press screenings, matinees, and unpopular art-house choices have made me unaccustomed to truly packed cinemas. I was already frequently exasperated at bustling audiences before the coronavirus because of the constant talking, shuffling in and out to the toilets and sweets counter, and, above all, the feeling that I was looking out over a WWII night scene as the light from endless phones strafed the roof of the cinema on the watch for incoming enemy aircraft. To put up with that, and then be paranoid that anybody, not just the people sniffling or coughing, but asymptomatic anybody could have the coronavirus and I could end up with scarred lungs and no sense of smell or taste from watching a film makes me hesitant to go before the second wave.

Further thoughts on the xkcd challenge

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned rewatching Aloha and thinking about the xkcd challenge [https://xkcd.com/2184/]. To wit, it is easy to prove your independent streak by disliking films universally beloved, but what about proving your independent streak by liking films universally reviled? Randall Munroe gave under 50% on Rotten Tomatoes as the target, the other two parts of the trifecta being that they came out in your adult life post-2000, and are not enjoyed ironically, and gosh darn if I didn’t find these ten films rated in the 40s on Rotten Tomatoes. And you know what, their critical pasting is I would argue largely undeserved. Some of them are rather good, some of them are not nearly as bad as reputed, and I would happily watch all of them again.

What Lies Beneath

I was astonished to see that Robert Zemeckis’ Hitchcock pastiche was so critically pasted when it features some sequences that rise to the height of genuine Hitchcock level suspense and the technical wizardry hasn’t yet completely swamped Zemeckis’ interest in his characters.

Orange County

Colin Hanks and Jack Black are the main players in Mike White’s knockabout comedy about a bungled application to college and ludicrous attempts to get it all sorted by any means necessary. It may not be as sharp as other White scripts but it’s always amusing for its less than 90 minutes.

xXx

Vin Diesel has valiantly kept the memory of this ludicrous film alive by making it his only successful non-Fast franchise. The premise of an extreme sports dude being recruited into being a spook makes no sense but it was better than the Bond film of its year by some measure – “Bora Bora!”

The Rules of Attraction

It was a genuine shock to see this was so reviled when I had it in my list of best films of the 2000s. It stands beside American Psycho as the best adaptation of a Bret Easton Ellis novel and features never better turns from Ian Somerhalder, Shannyn Sossamon, and James Van Der Beek.

Daredevil

One of the last examples of the big blockbuster movie with the big blockbuster song with a big blockbuster video this is knockabout nonsense with the villains all trying to out-do each other (and Colin Farrell winning) while Jennifer Garner shines as Daredevil’s love interest Elektra.

Switchblade Romance

I will die on this hill! Alexandre Aja’s blood-soaked shocker starring Cecile de France is a gory virtuoso thrill-ride and the final twist, which was presented as it was on the advice of Luc Besson that it would be funnier that way, makes the film even more preposterously fun!

The Village

This was the final straw for critics when it came to M Night Shyamalan, but it’s actually an engaging and deeply creepy film with a star-making lead performance from Bryce Dallas Howard. Maybe the final twist is over-egging the pudding but it doesn’t undo the effectiveness of previous suspense.

Constantine

Keanu Reeves’ chain-smoking street magus powered a supernatural thriller with exquisitely deliberate pacing, courtesy of future Hunger Games main-man Francis Lawrence; making his directorial debut. It had a fine sense of metaphysical rather than visceral horror, and was Keanu’s best film since The Matrix.

Super

I can’t believe that James Gunn’s delirious deconstruction of the superhero genre could actually be this lowly esteemed by critics. Rainn Wilson and Ellen Page give tremendous performances as delusional heroes suicidally going up against Kevin Bacon’s very much not-comic-book villain.

The Green Hornet

I will often stop on this if I catch it late at night while channel-hopping. It may not be a very smooth film, but it has scenes, lines, and ideas that still pop into my mind frequently (“You brought a gas mask?” “Of course I brought a gas mask!” “Just for yourself?”) and the DVD commentary is a hoot.

March 13, 2020

Miscellaneous Movie Musings: Part XXVIII

As the title suggests, so forth.

Alas, Max Von Sydow

Another great has left the stage. 13 years younger than Kirk Douglas, Von Sydow was still working in high-profile productions. Indeed he worked for so many decades that one could say there are multiple Von Sydow personae. There is the Bergman art-house God that my mother remembered from The Virgin Spring, beating himself with sticks to build himself up for his vengeful rampage. There is the priest from The Exorcist and assassin from Three Days of the Condor which properly established him with American audiences after his underwhelming Hollywood debut The Greatest Story Ever Told. Then there was the first von Sydow I encountered, unrecognisable as Ming the Merciless in the gloriously silly Flash Gordon. He was already very old when I came across him as another villain, this time in Minority Report. And then I started coming across him in the art house as a tremendous supporting player in Intacto and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. It is astonishing to think that while Kirk Douglas thru ill health and bad luck had his last important roles in the early 1980s Von Sydow was still working in his 90s and goes out with cameos in The Force Awakens and his role as the Three-Eyed Raven in Game of Thrones as recent reminders of his potency.

The Desplat Factor

I have, of late, been trying to distill down the elements needed to reproduce the essential Wes-ness of a Wes Anderson film. Colour coded costumes, hand-crafted sets of increasingly outrageous artificiality, whip-pans, tracking shots, overhead shots, handwritten notes, laying out inventories, narration, Bill Murray. And a score by Alexandre Desplat. Which may or may not be connected to the increasingly outrageous artificiality of Wes Anderson’s cinematic universes. Certainly I still regard The Darjeeling Limited as the highpoint of Anderson’s work, and it was after that film which used pre-existing music that he replaced Mark Mothersbaugh, the composer for his first four films, with Desplat for his next four films. I rather liked Desplat’s percussive score for Isle of Dogs, but was not particularly taken at the time by either his Moonrise Kingdom or The Grand Budapest Hotel work. Although the latter is growing on me. I think my objections centre around a certain childishness. The score for Fantastic Mr Fox had that childlike quality, which was entirely appropriate to the material. But Grand Budapest Hotel, a film I thought soured by a mean spirit, seemed to be given the same treatment – a score of simple melodies with more attention being given to eccentric orchestration so sparse you fancy you can hear each instrument in the orchestra.

No Time to Die Edit

Now that the release of No Time to Die has been pushed to November it might be an idea for Cary Fukunaga to go back into the editing suite and make some cuts. The already ramping up publicity push had unwisely seen Lashana Lynch brag about how 007 got put in his place for sexual harassment in this movie. Coming just weeks after Birds of Prey bombed after a publicity campaign that couldn’t stop talking about everyday sexism, male gaze, and misogyny, you have to ask the question staff most feared hearing from President Obama – ‘Who thought this was a good idea?’ The trailer had already seen my tepid interest evaporate. Craig looks as past it physically as Roger Moore in A View to a Kill, but without even the lingering interest in the role. The moment where the security guard has no idea who Bond is clearly is meant to be hilarious and subversive, and yet it makes no sense; MI6 would remember. Think of the scene at the start of Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation where a similar character realises who Ethan Hunt is, “I’ve heard the stories. They can’t all be true…” Lashana Lynch’s dialogue and smirks in the trailer quickly pegged her character as insufferable and, once again, made you yearn for any Craig-era Bond girl to measure up to Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd. But the idea that No Time to Die will see Bond, and by implication the audience, receiving an endless series of lectures makes one think again on the reasons for delaying it. Quite simply, this film cannot fail or it sinks MGM. But… even if everyone is primed to go back into packed cinemas in November, will anybody bother if the cast and crew of the film keep telling them it’s not a rollicking adventure but a vitally necessary lecture on their implicit biases? The evidence of Birds of Prey, Charlie’s AngelsTerminator: Dark Fate, and Ghostbusters (2016) suggests not. Films that wish to lecture a pre-existing audience must reckon with that audience not showing up, and the supposedly untapped new audience of people on Twitter that like and retweet that pre-existing audience getting owned will also not show up, they never do. Which means of course that no one shows up. And then goodbye MGM. Time to edit?

January 20, 2020

Fears: 2020

Godzilla v Kong

Wingard blockbuster!

But will he get lost in fog?

Does shroud Godzilla…

 

The Love Birds

Stuber does throwback

Almost a Thin Man for now?

But less elegant…

 

Birds of Prey

Harley Quinn gets woke!

But MEW is the Huntress, yet…

This screams disaster

 

Fantasy Island

Why is this horror?

What would R Montalban say?

For shame Maggie Q!

 

Mulan

Another remake…

Disney can make huge money

But still be bankrupt

 

Black Widow

She’s already dead!

Talk about your bad timing

A badly missed chance

 

Artemis Fowl

Ken Branagh directs

But this was shot years ago

Unwise for child stars

 

The One and Only Ivan

Mike White writes for kids?!

Sam Rockwell: gorilla voice

This could be damned odd

 

No Time to Die

“Bond’s too old” – AGAIN??!!!

Rami Malek has a mask

Does script have a clue?

 

 

Onward

Pixar elf movie

Spider-Man and Starlord star

Dubious premise…

 

The Witches

Zemeckis remake

Why? Anne Hathaway cannot

outdo A Huston

 

The New Mutants

Fox does X-horror

X-Men that is, obscure ones

They’re affordable

 

Chaos Walking

Doug Liman’s folly

Is it unreleasable?

Daisy Ridley ‘stars’

 

The Many Saints of Newark

Sopranos Begins

But so long since that hard black

Does anyone care?

 

Morbius

Jared Leto’s back

As comics supervillain

They can’t cut the lead!

 

Coming 2 America

Now a twice told tale?

After 32 long years

Who wanted sequel?

 

West Side Story

Spielberg musical!

Of Bay’s fave, but why did Steve

cast Ansel Elgort?

 

In the Heights

It’s Hamilton man!

But not doing Hamilton

Odd, eye on China?

 

An American Pickle

Seth Rogen in brine

Thaws out, meets hipster grandson

Can this equal book?

 

Dune

Its Achilles Heel?

Lead Timothee Chalamet…

Not a patch on Kyle!

December 22, 2019

Miscellaneous Movie Musings: Part XXIV

As the title suggests, so forth.

“Name” “Bond, James Bond” “And you are?” “Moneypenny, Miss Moneypenny”

Having seen the trailer for No Time to Die I think Daniel Craig should have retired with Spectre as he has clearly gone beyond the point where he is too old for the role of 007. He may be younger than Roger Moore was when he finally hung up the Walther PPK, but he is showing his age badly next to the even older Tom Cruise who is enthusiastically committed to TWO more Mission: Impossible films. But where to go next? Has, as John Fahey suggested to me, this iteration of Bond now exhausted the possibilities of its approach just as Brosnan’s did? Perhaps. Well then, we must recast, and rethink. First off, just cast Tom Hiddleston already before he gets to be too old to play the damn part. Next, cast Emily Blunt as Miss Moneypenny. Having seen Moneypenny in the field in Skyfall it should not be a stretch to imagine her in the field again. But in a rather different capacity. I started thinking about this when Patrick Doyle began wishing for a millionaire to finance his one hour episode versions of Ian Fleming stories done faithfully and therefore requiring Colin Firth. I noted Firth had somehow played both Bond and Mr Steed in Kingsman: The Secret Service. Oho! If Craig’s Bond leaned towards Jason Bourne, then Hiddleston’s Bond should lean towards John Steed. Imagine the elegant repartee of Steed and Mrs Peel in The Avengers becoming the verbal fencing of Bond and Moneypenny. Imagine Emily Blunt in black leather dispatching villains with judo kicks to the head. Imagine routinely getting a Bond film every two to three years made with practical stunts and action but more witty dialogue scenes and a production air of sprezzatura rather than the agony in the garden atmosphere that has produced only five films in 14 years for Craig.  What’s not to like?

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